Wednesday Writing

I confess I have spent a couple of hours over a couple of days in a week thinking what words go well with days of the week, so I could use it to title posts on different days of the week and also those that would inspire me to think in terms of those titles and restrain  my writing within those categories. I must confess I have not been very successful- I have even searched on the net for rhyming words- what goes well with Wednesday- whines, worries- no- something positive – really have not come up with anything great so far, so it is Wednesday writing for now. I thought I would use Wednesdays to reblog inspirational blog posts or those that I resonated with,  in spirit.

First up, the keto diet is working- for my husband. His fasting blood sugar is down to 99 mg% this morning. He is so inspired he doesn’t want to see a carb in his life again, or so he says. I am skeptical though. All I have asked him is 21 days of his life to put him and his liver back on the bandwagon. It seems even medical people have got it wrong and him being a gastroenterologist and all. Though insulin is secreted by the pancreas, it is actually the effects it has on the liver, glycogen stores, carbohydrate intake and utilisation that determine how the liver functions. And the liver is what affects the way we use sugars or do not use them. It seems like our forefathers had got it all right when they talked of the four humors one of which was from the liver- gall.

And the other major thing that affects our carbohydrate metabolism is inflammation. I am still working on understanding this and will write more about this when I understand better. For now, I understand that the way you find out if you have inflammation is by measuring C- reactive protein. I could be wrong about this.

For all the metabolic diseases we aim to cure with this diet, it seems we might have got our hands around two of them at least- blood sugars and high blood pressure.

This week is entirely vegetables alternating with protein.

Yesterday, I made keto almond bread in a coffee mug ( microwave method). So delicious- was as good as a snack. I found a website that showed this recipe. Let me share it here. It is delicious. Husband and I refrained from trying this out as we are on vegetables and proteins only this week, though we did take a bite each and declared it great.

So for breakfast yesterday we had cauliflower pancake. That again was delicious.

It seems going no-carb is helping with the temper issues too. When we are small, our parents keep us from having too many sweets, as that makes us hyperactive, prone to temper tantrums and so on. It would seem we never grow out of them and that they were right in telling us to keep off sweets. Those days, there weren’t too many sweets at home too, so that helped. Now there is plenty of all those things but the restrictions remain- the only change is that there is no mom or dad to tell us – keep away from the sweet stuff !

 

 

Thursday Thoughts

Its been two weeks since that day.  My shock day for 2018, I am going to call it. Where I pummeled down to the lowest a man can go.

I have stopped thinking over it. Today I met my supervisor who is back from holiday. Meeting her would, I thought, be embarrassing. I was losing sleep over it. I had said all my byes and said, enough and all that and then now I am eating humble pie. Life seems to be about eating humble pie often. It just goes to show where man thinks he/she is and that that position is not at all stable. It is perhaps better not to soar too high, so the fall is not too great. Arrogance – I must have been arrogant or I would not feel like I am eating humble pie, right? Well, it is a lesson, well learned.

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The meeting with the supervisor was not too bad. She seems happy to have me back. I am grateful for the money from the job. I am grateful for the freedom of spending again but of course, I wish life had taken a different course. In a way I am glad, I am here, yet, to support my family while they are making changes in their lives but when I get an email from my college- I still call it that, there is a certain wistful thinking, of things that might have been. Maybe older women are not meant to study and are just meant to mind the hearth. I feel like Jo of Little Women when she returned from the boarding house home and found that everything looked the same but nothing satisfied.

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For the past two months( since April), my diet and watching over my weight has all gone for a toss. With daughter 2’s exams looming on the horizon and the family predicting doom about her admissions, it took all of my positive spirits and bucking up to keep things up. Exams done, she did well, she secured admissions to good colleges but the midnight oil that burned during the process and the sleepless nights, the leptin and the increased, never-ending appetite and the eternal hunger pangs and the consolation, albeit temporary from eating food, even icecreams( which I have never even liked since childhood) and sweets( which I haven’t eaten since 2004), all goes to show how much of a toll the constant pushing of my limits was taking on me. I have not been taking care of myself.

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I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t. Really, I mean, what is the point of living so long anyway? If I eat well and exercise and look well, what is the point? At some time, I am sure to get some lifestyle disease or some cancer or something else. See my thoughts. There was no rhyme or reason to them- was it the beginning of the empty nest syndrome?

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Anyway, the thing is, this week, I have taken time to read and write and look well- put makeup on. I know makeup makes me look, well, made up and I am someone who loves the natural, no make up look. Still, I did some blackening of my eyes, some color on my face, smoothening up some holes, dental work, and hair care. I have rubbed lotions and oils on my body and put vitamin E cream on my face. This last because there was a tube of this very expensive cream lying on my dresser, I had never used before but must have bought some time in a trance and never used. The day after using the cream, I looked at my face and it looked different. By that time, I had forgotten I had done something to my face the previous night( applying the cream). My face shone like it used to when I was younger. Suddenly it struck me that I had rubbed some of that cream last night on my face. So the second night in a row, I applied some more of it on my face. Today, this morning, I looked at my face, and I notice, my face shining. This cream seems to be working on my menopausal skin.

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This seems to be a good time to take care of me. No family, plenty of time, only my cat to take care of. Well, the point of this post – at last.

I am going to do the keto diet- this diet seemingly works for me as I am not very fond of carbohydrates anyway and can eat all I want of fats, what is not to like?

It is a 24 hour fast today- only lemon water, black coffee, tea allowed. This is a detox to get rid of all the sugars in my body.

 

Day 33- intrigue

June 16, 2018

Read a facebook post today of a girl. She was a student at the Medical College I graduated from. Different from me, she stayed on there and continued till she became a Neurosurgeon- perhaps one of the few women neurosurgeons in the whole country. And after reaching the pinnacle of her success- one day, 10 years ago, she quit and she moved countries. From sweltering heat to freezing snows- to Calgary, in Canada. For years she has been on a journey in search of herself and though she has no qualms of leaving a remunerative profession, she does look back. She is now a writer. After years of hibernation in the snow and the cool summers and the flowers and in the lap of nature, she has returned to her motherland- I do wonder why. And everything about the motherland surprises her- the heat, the interference, the internet, the poking nose into other people’s affairs- everything.

I seem to be in a similar boat too- I have not returned to my alma mater for any reunion or meetings with classmates since I graduated.My ideal world is where there would be very few of my classmates or college mates. The irony of the situation is that my elder daughter is at the very same institution doing her Masters degree and my husband did his graduation and post graduation from there. I seem to be running away too. I now live in the lap of luxury- materially. I have everything a normal human being would require- freedom to buy and spend on most things I require or don’t require- Price tags are just things to pull out of things I buy- not things to look at and debate about whether I need such a costly thing. Apart from the desert landscape, the brown color of everything depresses me. A rainy day fascinates me. Floods intrigue me. The grass is  always greener somewhere else.

My farewell party- Cyn asked me what I would miss most about my current job. I said the ability to spend freely and not watch pennies, or dollars for that matter. What would I not miss ? The ability to write freely, speak freely with no religious overtones or undertones, the ability to breathe fresh air, with no dust. Dust free- that would be ideal. And mobility- to use my two legs without having to look at the pedometer and wonder how I haven’t made 10K steps yet. It always looks like my day ends with just about 800 steps.  I will not miss the sedentary life. People at the party rolled eyes at me- there was one who has been in the country 15 years and was skeptical of my return to my mother country. I may not like it once I reach there. Things may look rosy now but may be too watery there.

Is life about running away all the time ? I am glad my husband is a keeper and hangs on to me for dear life, or I am sure I would run away from him too. Books are a means for me to escape from reality and so is food. Food is such a comfort- there is no hunger that drives my passion for eating. There is food, so it must be eaten- that’s the rule I follow.

Day 30- farewells

June 13, 2018

Started off well. Pains of yesterday a matter of the past. Feel good. Guess why? Because of the visit of aunty Flo. Big relief. Temperature adjustment of the body better. Feel normal now after so many days.

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These are a lovely flowers- a bouquet for my farewell from Cyn. Today is my farewell lunch. It is at a hotel.

Sent a picture to my husband.

Husband: Are you going to cry?

Me: No. I never cry at farewells.

Husband: Make a speech anyway.

I am like that. Farewells make me sad but I can not cry. I look forward to my new life, new beginnings. The end really seems near now. Till now, I never really believed that this would happen.

At husband’s work, the previous boss has been frantically calling him. Today they talked after days of missing one another’s calls( busy doctors). Dilly-dallying about jobs is not a good thing,husband learnt. Through months of heartache and suffering and conjecture, marking an end to all the drama, the previous employer has welcomed husband back to his home institution. Come back, he said but join at the earliest. The scare of no job when he returns has been real. Husband readily agreed and said he would be there Monday to discuss the future.

Daughter 2 has qualified for admission to another prestigious institution( exam she wrote on June 3). This is another feather on her cap. A year, no three years of hard work have finally paid off. The youngest one is probably on her way to getting a medical degree.

Countdown day 2

If I do go to study there would be 46 days more for me to embark on my student journey. I am really excited. But I must share my feelings and things that are happening at home and at work as I need to vent.

At home, things are finally sinking in for hubby that wife dearest(:)) will not be around for a while and he will have to manage things at home on his own. So he has started showing his baby side. A lot of things are left undone at home. My elder daughter is not settled with her career as her admissions are delayed unendingly. The younger one wrote an exam which she thought she did well but as each day passes, and she looks at the question paper again, she finds more mistakes she has made.:) Luckily for her, there are two other exams in the pipeline for the same course that she wants to get into, and its like she has been given a second and a third chance. Fingers crossed that she makes it this time. With this sort of learning, one learns things every day. Knowledge is not stable and changes with time, and this seems especially true with the sciences and languages. So one has to keep with the times to be ahead of the race and a race it is. It seems now that it was a cakewalk for me to get into a few universities. My husband does not cook- well, almost. He warms up food to eat sometimes. He would rather go without food than do the work himself and he tells me he has enough resources to get a couple of people to help him with housework while I am gone. In the process, we are trying out various “cooks” and ” people to help with keeping the house clean”. I try to teach the “cook aspirants” how to put things together in the way we eat and it is a little difficult. I am not a good cook at all but my husband likes my food. And we live. But to teach a new person how to make food that will pass my husband’s tastes is a big deal.

At work, I have a meeting with our HR today to see if my benefits on leaving will be given to me on time or if there will be any “cuts” and so on. As I am planning on paying for my course with the funds I put apart over the past three years, a lot of my plans depend on the benefits I get when I go from the university.

My girls seem to be taking all the changes in their stride- the elder one has been waiting for seven months to hear something about her PG course- this is being delayed for unknown reasons. The younger one keeps studying, sometimes I think to keep her sanity.

All in all, it is a tough time and I am now thinking whether I should give up the course after the summer term.

Oh, to be able to keep quiet

Have you wished you could keep quiet in a situation which does warrant you/ make you itch to offer your take ? Are there times when you know things will work out on their own without your interference ? Surely there are are moments in your life, when you know this is what is to be done and offer advice, only to find it was not taken or that people did what they planned to do anyway? Let me give a few examples from my life:

  1. Daughter 2, who is home with me now, preparing for her college exams, told me her Physics teacher is leaving tomorrow for his native country. Without his coaching during these last few days before her exam will turn her preparation upside down, for she hadn’t factored in, his leaving in the middle of the year. She has to come up with plan B, which she hasn’t. She shared her concern with me Thursday( two days back). My first reaction was to plan on calling the teacher and asking, no begging him to postpone his going back for a month or so, until daughter was better prepared for said exam( her exams are scheduled for the first week of May). Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t get involved- I would only bungle things up. So I held on, with great difficulty. I had to bite my tongue( that is, hold my fingers back from typing a Whatsapp message to the teacher). I held back till today morning, when in a very soft manner, sent him a message, asking him if he was leaving and he replies- Ma’am I am still here and I will be here still. What a relief ! But imagine if I had called him up and asked him about his plans and the drama that would have unfolded. Thank God I held on against my better feelings. See, things do work out in the end.Whatsapp
  2. Daughter 1, who is home at another coaching place, called me up this morning telling me she came down to the common mess to find another girl eating from her plate. The plate in question is kept on the mess counter with her name marked on it, so it is only for her use. Apparently, the girl in question took the plate and served herself breakfast on it and when daughter 1 reached the mess, the girl was already eating on the plate. Let me add that my daughter is a vegetarian and cannot ever eat on a plate where meat or fish has been eaten. It is an obsession with her. So when she saw this happen in front of her eyes, she questioned the girl. The girl replied that since her name was not written on it, she ate on the plate. The audacity ! The cheek ! Daughter 1 called me, sobbing and crying aloud. She is 24. Girl cryingShe was offended. I was actually amused by the whole episode but made sympathetic noises at the proper times to show daughter 1 that I was empathetic but she had to deal with the issue herself. I was amazed at how I had changed over the years. A younger me would have taken the phone, called up the hostel and make a ruckus over someone hurting my daughters’ feelings. Today, I didn’t do anything of the  sort. I maintained a silence and did not share this with my husband or my other daughter who can easily raise up the drama quotient by rising up in arms. It turns out this was the best way. A few hours later, when I checked on daughter 1, she seemed to be busy putting in her application to a new college and forgotten the episode. I was left back in time, while she advanced to the next event in her life.         I am upset

 

I can write many tales of this sort from my life about when it was wiser and less-adrenaline secreting for all concerned when I didn’t open my mouth. I thought of Jesus drawing on the ground with a stick when people were accusing the woman brought in adultery to him and maintaining a dignified silence. There is dignity in silence. You can empathize with a person even through silence.  If fewer words are spoken, lesser, unproductive emotions come out and life becomes a lot easier because after all things turn out the way they were destined to turn out, in the end.

Spirit of power

” For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  2 Timothy 7

All through the Bible there are instances of people who have been fearful. Moses when he was called to call and wake up the Israelites from Egypt, protested and had to be convinced by God.

So it was with Jonah- who did not want to go to Nineveh and preach repentance but rather chose to go a difficult route away from the hardships of public speaking.

Over the days of preparation for the exam, I did go through periods of fear, when my daughter feared wondering whether we would get through all the lessons in time. But I was led to this verse today and it embodies all that I went through the last year and also that I might go through.

All of us have in us the spirit of power that if we would harness, we can overcome any trouble that comes our way. Every day as we sat reading our lessons together, my daughter had a new illness that took off her study time- one day it would be a migraine, the other day pain from a callus on her foot and another day it was pain from sinusitis. Till we realized that these are attacks from negative powers that don’t want us to achieve our goals. Once that realization came, the rest was easy. Holding hands and praying not for cure from illnesses but power over negativity and anything that stood in the way of our goals.

It so often happens that when we have set goals for ourselves, so many things happen that seem to sabotage our path to success. Haven’t you felt like there are unknown powers in the universe that don’t want you to reach your goal ?

But if we see those for what they are, there is an illuminated path that can be seen through the dark clouds, that is set there for us, if only we would look for it- I saw it. And it can be seen if we harness the power inside us.

Once we get the power out, we can banish fear to where it rightfully belongs- in the underworld.:)