Morning pages

Two weeks of travel and the morning pages routine got into a once in two days routine and then once in three days and then not at all. Travel does that to one. Habits created and carefully cultivated are edged out for new ones or none at all. I am often guilty of the latter.

Perhaps it was better I had kept up the routine. Because for one, it would have helped me keep track of events, at least in my mind and two, it might have helped me cope with the psychological turns I took during this time.

Now what I feared is come up on me. I can’t seem to pick up my pen to write the pages. The spirit is not there any more. I need an ignition.

Airport experiences

I was writing my morning pages today when I thought about an experience I had coming through a major South Indian airport. My husband being an ERCP- ist had ordered radiation protection glasses to be shipped to my Indian address. The glasses arrived duly and were packed among other things in my check in baggage. Emigration and check in went on like clockwork. I was in the airport hoping to have a good shopping experience having saved some spending money during the trip. I was in the Duty Free shop when I heard my name being called the public announcement system. As is usual for me, I thought they were calling someone else until something about the name sounded familiar and it clicked in my brain that they were actually calling me. So I hurried towards the airlines counter, from where a girl accompanied me to the innards of the airport. I say innards because she led me far below the airport in its underground places. I hadn’t known such places existed. It was a long walk. The girl told me I was likely to lose my iPad which I had packed into my check in luggage, not wanting it on the flight.

Soon the girl guided me to the place and left me alone to deal with a security person or police woman there, who stood guarding my open suitcase. Heart beating I approached her. She asked me if I had packed any hard stuff in my suitcase- I couldn’t recall having done so. She said there seemed to be something in my stuff which was in the shape of spectacles. Suddenly it struck me- it was my husband’s radiation glasses that were causing the issue. It was not seen properly on the security cameras as it was made of lead. I explained why I carried it and she let me go. Since we had gotten pally by then, I told her I was worried she was going to throw my iPad away as it had to necessarily come through the check in luggage. Reassured by her, I walked the long journey back to the upper echelons of the airport. Needless to mention, I lost my appetite for shopping by then.

On my recent trip to California, in the US domestic flight security check ins, I was separated out to be pat checked. It happened on two domestic flights and I wondered what the camera could not see in my innards that needed me to be patted fondly by hand. It seemed there looked like something was hidden in my groin. Every time I was given the green chit. Perhaps they thought I was smuggling drugs or currency or even a small weapon- who knows ?

I really appreciate airport officials for doing their jobs thoroughly though for the time involved, I did go through some moments of anxiety. Have you had any airport security experiences ?

Morning Pages

An unexpected holiday for the observance of the passing of a gentle past president. Really don’t know what to do with myself.

Consistently having written the morning pages for 11 days in a row now, starting November 26. Julia mentioned that writing the morning pages is the first step towards “creative recovery”. I am doing the best I can but to be truthful, I haven’t felt it as an ” active meditation”yet or that I have changed in any way positive.

Yes, I have lost that “people pleasing”, ” not hurting people  if possible by being blunt” thing I surprisingly seem to have had. I can absolutely speak frankly, openly and pretty bluntly now of course, without being rude. I was rude just once this last week. I gave a co worker a piece of my mind and it was totally unwarranted. There is an excuse- I had some stresses at home and I didn’t care what I let out of my mouth. And the best part is a week after, I still am not sorry. I am glad I had that outburst. Is this one of the effects of the morning pages ?

I am exercising pretty consistently now- even jumping rope. I can do only the bounce step and only about a 25 jumps at a go but even that is a change. I do the Fitness Blender workouts for “cool downs” every day. And also my version of a 100 squats a day- I know they are not the perfect squat but they are the best I can do with my weight and my knee. 

And I am happy. So that must be a change, right ?