Words without brakes

It is surprising how reading a book inspires one to write. A fountain that was dried up seems to want to send out water again. A tap that ran dry seems to be waiting to be opened up and let flow. Poetry seems to be flowing out. Can there be magic in a pen and can magic transfer from one writer to another ? It would seem so.

When I post, usually I read and re-read and sometimes trash my posts because they have been written over days and the day I am ready to publish, the post does not resonate with my inner muse anymore. Time has changed my outlook on the same issue even though much time has not gone by. Even seconds can change one’s way of looking at the same thing. Writing a post for me is like capturing a moment on a photographic plate, slicing through my life at that point in time. In epidemiology, cross sectional studies are defined as those studies that report events as they are at a particular point of time- such are my usual blog posts. A few days later, the same post does not seem right enough as it did the day it was conceived. Am I driveling ? Perhaps I am. But I continue to write in order not to stop the flow of that muse that has seen drier days and lonelier nights.

The book I picked up at the airport on my way back is my inspiration. ” Second Thoughts” by Navtej Sarna. It is a book which should be a reader’s dream book. A book that speaks of the writer’s travels through the circumstances and sometimes the places where the writers of his choice once lived or wrote. Imagine having the freedom to go to places or sit on site at tables or in rooms where writers once wrote and imagine the thoughts that went into those writer’s minds as they wrote. Writing should be the most honest of crafts for if written as words are born in the mind, it should be a thread that connects the soul of the writer with the soul of the reader. When I began posting I was such a writer. Over years, a veil seems to have clouded my writing, I seem to go back and read over my words and decide certain words must go or some thought removed( often to not offend) and then the post becomes presentable. In the process it becomes far removed from what it should have been. I see now, that my posts in recent days have been dishonest.

I am inspired to look in my library for many of the books written about in ” Second Thoughts”. The book describes the book ” Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Truman Capote,which probably will be the first book I will be looking for. And another book- Landour Days by Ruskin Bond, which I might have read before but am inspired to read again. Seems like Landour Days is like a collection of Bond’s ” Morning Pages”, if such can be, a rambling through his days in Landour, a hill station in the Himalayas. The words the book quotes from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” are the ones that have inspired me to look for the original –

“Never love a wild thing. A hawk with a hurt wing. One time it was a full grown bobcat with a broken leg. But you can’t give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get.Until they are strong enough to run into the woods.Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That’s how you will end up— If you let yourself love a wild thing. You will end up looking at the sky.”

As a mother who is probably going to lose her treasure to another, these words seem prophetic to me. Is that funny ? Is there even a comparison between a wild thing and a child ? Giving your heart to another living thing until one day that living thing leaves you and you are left looking at emptiness. If what remained was the blue sky, I would take it. If what remained was memories of good times together, I probably don’t want it. Does that mean one should not love to not be left holding the kite strings, once the kite has broken free ? When did I become a mother like this ? When did I change ?

Where do my rambling thoughts take me ? Mothers are funny creatures. They love and love and love, until surprisingly one day, the love seems to be a chain, a burden, a heavy weighted vest, which has to be cast off.

28 thoughts on “Words without brakes

  1. How interesting it was to read that you sometimes craft posts until you trash them! I write when I can’t keep the words in my head any longer, and out they go to the world. In several years of blogging, I’ve removed only one post after it was published.

    My subjects are much lighter than yours and don’t require much thought.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I write posts, stop half way or a way words in and then put it off posting for one reason or the other. A few days later, the post doesn’t look the same anymore. That is when I decide not to post. I haven’t trashed many posts too. These half written posts are still in my folder but they probably will never see the light of day.
      I probably don’t have a light hearted view of life because I probably brood a lot on things. Perhaps I should let go and see the funny side of things like you do.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The things that play around in my head are often silly. When we lived in England in the early 80s, I wanted to write about things that would keep people reading. That was when I began writing for an audience — our friends and family members. You probably need to write about more serious things.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. There is a saying, “If I had know grandchildren was this much fun, I’d had them first.”
    Keep writing – it helps to share with others- I like to think that maybe my writing will help another who is struggling the same as I. But I do spend my early mornings talking a lot to God.
    Be blessed my friend
    Happy New Year

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That was a very heartfelt post that you wrote Susie … and a long post, so you felt better about resuming your writing then … I sure miss reading and look forward to doing so once I am retired.

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  4. Gobblefunkist says:

    I never trash anything I write in the short timeframe. However, I am known to have deleted thousands of blog posts (thousands, I kid you not) in one fell sweep because I just felt like it !
    You are not losing a daughter. You are gaining a son. Easy to say, no? I have a daughter too, and I am sure I will be remembering this post a few years later.

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  5. Truman Capote is one of my favorite writers. Decades ago, when I lived on the Gulf coast of Alabama, I managed a bookstore and had the opportunity to meet his relatives in an obscure part of Alabama. That was very interesting. Your daughter is making her way!!

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      1. No, I met his older relatives: possibly cousins or kin from way back who were familiar with him when he was raised in Alabama. They were travelling through but it was nice to meet them.

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  6. Oh no…a mothers love last forever and our ‘job’ is to raise the little ones so they can break lose and sail through the clouds as they catch the currents of life. You know that but it is hard going to get to that point. I wish I could say writing is my thing but no. I just can’t do that and when I comment on my friends blogs I usually type what first comes to mind .( Like if you were setting here with a cup of coffee or tea visiting on the front porch. Well maybe the living room in front of the fire since it is damp and cold outside. )

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  7. My dear one-you have perfectly described the plight of mothers. We raise them to be independent yet it becomes a grief to bear when they are. I will tell you, that has been a hard thing for me. Having five, all I ever did was “mother”. was lost when they grew up, for a long while. Please know, that at some point, it will get better-until then, best wishes to your daughter and new son. and congratulations!

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  8. I am so glad you are writing again Susie!! I missed you. It is hard letting your kids go but when they come to visit it is so much fun. And when they present you with grandchildren it is even better!
    I guess by them growing up and moving on it just means you did a great job of raising independent people. Well done!!! It is not a bad thing it is just different and sometimes that takes a little adjusting to.

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  9. Timelesslady says:

    I missed you too Susie! When my boys left and then married I did,and still do, miss them, but as Debbie said grandchildren are such a joy. My boys are still close to me and through them I have more people to love.

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  10. Timelesslady says:

    I also have trashed posts. Another awful thing is to re-read something that was written with errors of grammar and spelling overlooked. What also makes me laugh is when I forget my own tips and have to look them up in my own blog to remember what I did! This has happened more than once.

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  11. Glad to see you back, Susie. I can relate to what you wrote about your writing changing over time. In the beginning of my writing I felt more spontaneous and less critical of what I was writing. As time has progressed, I have a lot of pieces I’ve started in my draft folder that I may or may not finish. I’ve lost the inspiration or it’s no longer relevant to me. Being a mother will always be relevant, though! And now being a grandmother is a reward like no other.

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