Most of my growing years’, I have been mean to my mother. While I lived at home, before going off to college, I think of myself as being good but perhaps I wasn’t. I know I was not the easiest person to live with or even love but I like to think that my mother loved me.
But it is my college days’ that I remember the most. I did not have an easy time at college. Every single day of my fresher year, I was ragged. Ragging is a polite way of describing the various human rights abuses that take place in our educational institutions each year. Ragging changed me, for the worse. Whereas I was an optimist and a believer in the basic goodness of human nature in the past, ragging made me who I am today- mean, narrow minded, judgmental, suspicious and everything else nasty. And one of the people who faced my constant rantings against the world was my mother.
I salute her gentleness and her strength and her ability to stand by me in my times of trouble. During my first year in college, she was pregnant with her third child and she kept it from me- so I wouldn’t have an additional issue to deal with. She cradled me when I cried nights and days in her lap, on vacations from college, or on weekends and supported me through the difficult years- she told me once ” you have cried enough- more than any one could have cried in a life time- now it is time to give something back to the world that has been mean to me”. She introduced me to Norman Vincent Peale and his writings during days of my lows, so I could boost my self confidence up. I was reduced to a worm of my previous being, during my days in college and I survived only because my mother listened to me and braced me up to face the world.
I am not a good person now but I know a lot better how to deal with people, nasty and mean people. I try to believe in the basic goodness of man, but trust me, it has not been an easy deal with me. It is easier to believe that X is bad or Y is nasty.
But good or bad, I bask in the knowledge that my mother loves me and I love her.
Bless you mummy, for being there for me, all the days of my life I have lived so far. Without you this journey would have been lonesome.