Daughter’s dilemma

Last evening, my daughter was studying for a physics test.

Scene : Chapter 1 completed. Me napping in the background, waiting- in- line, in case she needed to ask me questions- on standby mode.

Suddenly, she jumps up and comes to me, lying on me,just like when she was a little child, and wanting a hug. And she burst into tears.

Anxious mother that I was, I asked her what happened and she replied: Mama, I had a bad day at school.

So I asked her what happened and the story unwinded.

During English lessons, the class had to split up into two groups in order to facilitate a group discussion.

She was seated with the 9 boys of her class , because she had joined late for school and the only available seats were in the boys’ section.

So when the teacher announced the group discussion, the girls grouped together and the boys grouped together but where was my daughter to go ?

To add injury to insult, a couple of boys’ said, we don’t want her in our group. So she was left standing in no man’s land, until one of the girls and the teacher took pity on her and asked her to join the girls’ group.

Simple and stupid though this incident might seem, it seemed to affect my  teenager’s psyche- so much so that she could not move on to her lesson 2 of her Physics test.

I listened to her story and comforted her in the way I knew best, knowing all along that anything I said had no meaning at all, none to my daughter at that time, who was weeping bucketfuls.

With a hug and a kiss, I said, Mama is your friend, no matter what. I know that wasn’t enough but what could I do ?

Teenage is a difficult period in a person’s life but God knows, every day is a struggle but during teenage, we tend to take things a lot more seriously than when we were children or as adults.

Perhaps it is the hormones or it is peer pressure to belong to a group or the feeling of wanting to get accepted. I have been through the same in school at her age but having few friends never seemed to bother me much because perhaps I tended to make friends with people from other classes or people on the road( when I walked back from school) or the school domestic staff or anyone who wanted to talk. But to some sensitive teenagers, like my daughter, belonging to a group or a cohort is so important.

Any advice ?

7 thoughts on “Daughter’s dilemma

  1. When I would ask advice from sweet, caring mother-in-law about my children, she always said, “Just love them.” As if that would fix everything. And it usually does. Maybe not fix it, but it helps them know we are on their side, we care, and we will always be here for them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Kathleen,
      It has been so long since I heard from you. Thank you for reading and writing too. I love my children and hug and kiss them a lot, sometimes to their embarrassment. But this time, I just wished I could go to her class and settle the issue in my own way. I know this is wrong, and I shouldn’t get involved but let her deal with her in her own way. So I am leaving it at that and praying with all my heart for guidance and support.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Parenting can be so hard some days! Trust yourself to do the right thing. God gave your daughter to you to raise. He will give you wisdom.

        I know it is so heartbreaking when they hurt. Makes us want to barge in and fix it all.

        I wish I had answers. I do have Prayers for you, my friend.


  2. That story just breaks my heart. It is so hard any time but especially being young. Having moved constantly when in school I learned how to make friends but I always had my older sister who was 11 mths older than me so my friend always moved with me. Hope someone has sage advice for you.


  3. Thank you Donna for caring enough to reply- my online friends are so good and ready with comforting words- always.
    With gratitude,
    PS : The test went badly but she came home happier than yesterday and called me, while I was at work to give me an update about her day. So things must have gone better.


  4. I’m surely don’t have the natural abilities of being a parent but I know BFF’s come and go with the wind. A mother should always be a daughter’s best friend. I’d take it as a compliment, her coming to you.


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