Fear knocked at the door,
No one was there.An old saying
A short trip home. Daughter 1 went back to her college after a very short visit. A visit that involved visiting an island, cycling together, gorging on food and talking.
cycling on the beach
Part of the tart ?
I haven’t had so much fun in ages.
Even a nose bleed can put your life out of sorts- I learnt this today. As a child I often had nose bleeds. Not knowing much about this in the 1970s, we went to routine check ups and in those days, these things were taken as a matter of fact. I mean most people and a lot of children those days had nose bleeds. Now approaching 50 at a real fast pace, I tend to worry a lot more. My family does too. Health scares us a lot more these days than it used to in the 1970s. Being aware does make us better equipped but makes us fearful too. What am I afraid of ? A bad diagnosis or the fact that I may be facing death ? I think I am just afraid of the old body giving up on me and that wear and tear has finally caught up with me.
The bleed stopped in a matter of seconds- meaning my clotting was working properly. I had my blood tests done in December during another bout of nose bleed then. It seems the cold weather of 2018-19 has not worked in favor of my health. I cannot remember having felt very tired or anything except exceptional sugar cravings and my weight refusing to go down.
Issues in my family have turned me once more to that old refuge- positive thinking books and of course, Norman Vincent Peale. I can say I read the Bible and pray but the truth is what Peale writes seems to make more sense. Anyway, I am now reading about choices man can make- faith or fear. Faith can banish fear. I choose faith. What else does man have ? I don’t want to live in fear, like a worm.
Have always wanted to do something extra at work. While working in administration, I wished to work with the English department because the staff and students seemed to have so much fun. I mean, it must be fun, reading books and writing for a living, right ? I really wished I could volunteer as a writer or a teacher of English but unfortunately I don’t have the qualifications and my regular work at the same university prevents me from volunteering in another department.
Anyway, two days back, a member of the English department sent me an email asking if I could lead a Book Club for this year for just four weeks. Reading a book with those who wanted to read along. You know how it goes.
And the first thought that comes to my mind is – OMG! How am I going to get out of this ? Can you believe it ? This is like what I have wanted ever since I joined the university and when I get the chance, I don’t want to take it up.
Finally I told them, I could substitute if one of the regular leaders didn’t come for a session and effectively got out of this responsibility. Sad, don’t you think ?
Even the desert feels the cold. Realized it this year. How much ever you bundle up, the cold gets into your bones. The room heaters we have don’t help too much.
It seems there is a cold, icy front in the Western countries. Even tropical countries are feeling the cold this year. Climate change ?
She walked by her door. She looked into the door and asked whose was the poster left in the corridor. It was an old abandoned poster, fallen down and to be trashed.
Then she peeped into the room and said, ‘ Are those flower pots yours?”
She said, ” Yes”.
” Well, you can’t keep them there in the corridor. Have you got permission from Building Operations, so put pots there ?”
Of course, she hadn’t. The pots and plants were brought by her to green up the corridor of the building. They helped her go through the tough times she was facing. Her mother’s double cancer and her own loss of a dream found her collapsed in the last year. She nursed the plants as her own.
Sensitive though she was, she was only grateful the place had allowed her to keep plants in the corridor for so long. Green is healing, you know.
- We had a department meeting yesterday.
- Seems like we have had a merger with the department we used to call ” post award” but was actually ” business administration”.
- What this implies is that our old friends are back with us again.
- And their head is our combined head now.
- Meaning my supervisor does not report direct to the dean like their head but instead reports to the ” post award” head.
- That is major.
- And there is a new member going to join our team next month- from our main university.
I didn’t make any resolution so far for 2019 and now is a good time to remind myself to do so.
My resolution is to :
- Speak less.
- Give others’ a chance to talk.
- And when I talk to talk only sense, at least, what I gauge as sense.Why? Because last year, I hurt others’ with my words. Words are like a sword, they say. What will I do to bring out the words that would feel chained inside ? Why, write more I think. Don’t you agree this is a good resolution ?